Funny Pet Storys

Where Do Pets Come From?

January 05th 2007 Posted in Cats, Cats Funny Tails

It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, “Where do pets come from?”

And Adam said, “Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, “But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said, “No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility.”

And the Lord said, “No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration.”

 

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.

And Cat did not care one way or the other.

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An Ancient Chinese Myth "Or" Why Cats Are Smug!

January 05th 2007 Posted in Cats, Cats Funny Tails

When the world was created, the gods decided to appoint one creature to see that it ran smoothly and to oversee all other creatures. The creature they selected was the cat. Thoughtful and contemplative, cats were given the power of speech in order to talk with the creator gods and give instructions to the other creatures who shared the world. For a long time all seemed to go well.Cats, however, were sybaritic creatures, characterized by their devotion to excessive self-indulgence and luxury.Rather than attend to the mundane, day-to-day running of a world, they wanted to doze in sunbeams on beds of fragrant catnip and matatabi vine. The creator gods saw this and asked the cats whether they were doing anything to ensure the smooth running of this newly made world.

“Running a world is not of great interest to us,” said the cats, “we are content to roll on the grass and chase butterflies when the mood takes us. Mostly we let the world run itself so that we can enjoy the simple pleasures of warm sunshine and fresh, scented air.”

The gods asked the cats to be more diligent in the running of the newly made world and the cats promised to pay a little more attention to their allotted task. Some while later, the gods paid another visit to their vibrant new world and they found the cats sleeping under cherry trees or playing with falling cherry blossoms. Once more they questioned the cats’ dedication to overseeing the world.

“Running a world is, to be honest, a rather boring task. It is much more fun to sleep comfortably under cherry trees and frolic among the falling blossom,” said the cats, “however, we will try to pay more attention to the business of being in charge of the world – it is a great responsibility.”

The gods chastised the cats a second time and went away full of hope that the cats would pay closer attention to the running of the world the gods had given them. However, on a third visit, the gods found the cats chasing floating thistledown in the late summer sunshine.

“To be perfectly honest,” the cats said, “we’ve realised that we really don’t want the bother of running a world. We’ve noticed that one of your creatures shows much more promise in this respect, perhaps you could give the task of running a world to them so that we can spend our time enjoying the pleasures this world has to offer.”

The gods reluctantly agreed, but on one condition. Those appointed to run the world required the power of speech. Therefore cats would no longer be able to talk and the other creature, called humans, would be endowed with speech. And while man busied himself about running the world and remaking it to his own liking and filling it with chatter, cats basked in scented sunshine with inscrutable expressions.

From that day on, mankind gained the power of speech while cats enjoyed the delights the world had to offer – sunshine, scents, textures and things to chase or play with. But the gods never forgot that the cat was their first chosen one to run the world and made them timekeepers so that humans could always tell the time of day by looking into a cat’s eyes. In the morning their eyes are pools of blackness rimmed with gold; at noon they are mere black slits on disks of gold while in the evening they open out into pools of blackness once more.

Not only that, the purring of the cat is the sound of the machinery moving the world around the heavens and should the cats cease to purr, the world would stand still in the sky and the seasons, and all of time, would come to an end. So while mankind has the day-to-day running of the world, the cat still remains its timekeeper and guardian which is why cats always look so inscrutable and so smug.

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Rules of Etiquette for Inexperienced Cats

January 04th 2007 Posted in Cats

When your owner returns home laden with packages, fall down in front of them — this works best on steps, all the better if the individual is proceeding downward. There is always the chance you may get stepped on, but this usually guarantees a fall and it you milk their guilt that follows it is usually worth it. Should you run into a closed sliding glass door or do anything stupid, never let on as much and go about your business as if “I meant to do that.”

If you allow a dog to share your domain you are in luck. Should you tatter the drapes or destroy anything for which you fear retribution, wait until your owner (misnomer if there ever was one) is nearby, slap the dog and run for it. Dogs are stupid and will accept blame for anything. If this ruse should fail simply run and hide. No one really expects to catch a cat. Chase, frolic, and run from invisible entities. The why doesn’t matter, it is just expected.

Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night between 2 and 4 a.m. Final Note: ALWAYS walk ON the keyboard!From Harold Reynolds

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The Cats' Bill of Rights

January 04th 2007 Posted in Cats

Humans shall make no law respecting an establishment of boundaries or prohibiting the free exercise therein, or abridging the freedom of access, or the right to peaceful assembly. In other words: The cat is entitled to go outside anytime he wants.

A well-carried provisional chamber, being necessary to the fulfillment of a feline’s whims, shall not be infringed. In other words: The cat is entitled to EAT anytime he wants.

The right of the feline to be secure in their domain and effects against unreasonable discomposure, shall not be violated. In other words: The cat is entitled to SLEEP anytime he wants.
Humans shall issue no warrants or decrees or edicts as prescribed to the demarcation of possessions or property which are in direct conflict with right of life, liberty and the pursuit of feline affirmation. In other words: The cat is entitled to sleep ANYWHERE he wants.
The feline shall be immune to all criminal accusations, indictments and complaints. The accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and impartial dismissal of any and all charges provided said feline’s compulsory right to obtain any or all witnesses, including character witnesses, are obtained in his favor. In other words: Cats can do anything they want as long as it’s cute.
Neither serfdom, vassalage, or involuntary servitude will be tolerated, except by said cats in proprietorship of their humans. In other words: What I say, goes.
No Canis familiaris shall, in time of peace or at any other time, be quartered in any dwelling without the consent of the potentate, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by sovereign. In other words: No dogs in the house without my permission.
The right of the feline to be protected against unreasonable search and seizures shall not be breached or infringed upon at anytime or any place. In other words: Don’t disturb me when I am sleeping.

author unknown

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A Cat Speaks Up

January 04th 2007 Posted in Cats, Cats Funny Tails

Now here this! You may live in this dwelling with me, but keep in mind your sole purpose for existing is to care for me. I pray God keeps you able to do so.

 

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Feed me well and promptly, so that I may find a quiet place to lie down and stare at you. If that place happens to be on top of the television set, do not keep trying to dislodge me even though my tail is hanging in the middle of the picture.

I expect full run of the premises, including the kitchen table. I sniff your food only to see if I prefer it to mine. Brush me twice a week. Pet me as often as you wish, but I can do without the idiotic statements you utter as you do so.

When I bump my head against your leg or cheek, it means I accept you as part of my environment. Keep in mind that if I thought the lady next door would feed me better, I’d be out of here in a minute. If you’re looking for loyalty, get a dog.

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Rainbow Bridge

January 02nd 2007 Posted in Cats Touching Tails, Dogs Touching Tails

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they miss someone very special, someone who was left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when suddenly one stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly he breaks from the group, flying over the green grass, faster and faster. You have been spotted and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.
The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into those trusting eyes, so long gone from your life, but never absent from your heart. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together’
–Author Unknown

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The Last Battle

January 02nd 2007 Posted in Cats Touching Tails, Dogs Touching Tails

If it should be that I grow frail and weak 
And pain should keep me from my sleep, 
Then will you do what must be done, 
For this — the last battle — can’t be won. 
You will be sad I understand, 
But don’t let grief then stay your hand, 
For on this day, more than the rest, 
Your love and friendship must stand the test. 
We have had so many happy years, 
You wouldn’t want me to suffer so. 
When the time comes, please, let me go. 
Take me to where to my needs they’ll tend, 
Only, stay with me till the end 
And hold me firm and speak to me 
Until my eyes no longer see. 
I know in time you will agree 
It is a kindness you do to me. 
Although my tail its last has waved, 
From pain and suffering I have been saved. 
Don’t grieve that it must be you 
Who has to decide this thing to do; 
We’ve been so close — we two — 
    these years, 
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

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Remember Me

January 02nd 2007 Posted in Cats Touching Tails, Dogs Touching Tails

Remember me always, but do not grieve for me too long. I have tried always to comfort you in times of sorrow, and have made every effort to add joy to your life. I never wanted to cause you pain.
Peace for me is certain now, and I suspect I will have eternal sleep in the earth I have loved so well.
Please, after your period of grieving for me, make room in your heart for another. You are the kind of human being that should always have a friend like me to love. Your kind and gentle heart should not be wasted on my memory for too long. Give your love to another. I know your
new friend will never take my place, because we
had something very special.
It may not be quite the same, but a new
devoted and loving companion will in time,
become special in their own way.
You loved me very much and I loved you.
My spirit will always be with you, and no
matter how deep my sleep, my grateful heart
will always remember you.”
Author unknown
Dedicated to Precious, 1989 – 2001

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Rebel

December 26th 2006 Posted in Cats, Cats Funny Tails

I have an adorable black and white shorthair male kitten named Rebel. Rebel got his name from being a little rebellious when he first came to live with us. His name doesn’t suit him now, he is a real sweetie. He prefers only his mommy. (Me!) At bed time, Rebel will jump up in bed with my husband and I; whether he’s ready for bed or not and give us “nite-nite kisses”. The “nite-nite kisses” is when he puts his small, little furry face right smack dab in our faces and rubs his nose on our noses. Then, he stays right in our faces to stare at us with his head tilting side to side.I tell him to give daddy “nite-nite kisses” and he goes right over to my husband and gives them away. Most of the time, my husband tolerates one wet nose rub from Rebel but Rebel is persistant. We believe Rebel does “nite-nite kisses” for a long time with Daddy to annoy him. Ha! 

 

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Ganging up on the dog

December 22nd 2006 Posted in Cats Funny Tails, Dogs Funny Tails

One Christmas, Mum was visiting for the day and had brought the dog with her. Our little cat sat in various places during the day in view of the dog but always out of reach (you could almost see the smile on her face when the dog was told off for getting excited). When she got fed up with taunting the dog she slowly strolled upstairs where our larger cat was asleep. A few minutes after the door swung open and our larger cat was sitting slap bang in the middle of the doorway staring at the dog, who promptly jumped on to mum’s lap shaking like a jelly. It was as if our two cats had been talking about the dog!
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